Shopping Right

My room mate and I have only one thing that we need do together every week and that is because my bad eyesight prevents me from driving or I would not ever do that one thing with her. If I could drive, I would do the food shopping without her. This time spent together is unpleasant, even on the good days. There was even a year or so when I was so tired of doing it with her that I would walk back and forth to the grocery store twice a week, carrying my groceries, rather than have to be with her. While this made grocery shopping more pleasant it also created more problems because she constantly had to be reminded to purchase the items that were too heavy for me to carry, the most important of those things being cases of water. We consume two or three cases of bottled water every week. We live near what was once a polluted swamp and drinking water from the faucet is not an option. I sometimes feel itchy after just showering in the tap water.

I wake up an hour early on Saturday nights, which is one of her two nights off from work, and we shop. I pay for the groceries in exchange for her driving and then dropping me off at work. Saturday nights I can not take a bus to work and if I do not get a ride from her I would have to pay for a ride. It is a deal that I make with this Devil, but I have accepted it.

More than half of the weeks, she will sit in the car and play with her phone while I do all of the shopping. I actually prefer this because I shop quicker without her and I do not have to endure the displeasure of her company.  I am the one who reads the weekly newspaper advertisements to learn what is on sale and which of the two local supermarkets we should visit that week. I am also the one who clips the coupons to save money on what we purchase. All she does is drive the car.

This past Saturday she decided that we are now only going to shop once every other week. She announced this in the morning before I went to sleep, but I reminded her that this was not a new idea. We have had this argument in the past. There is no good reason for her plan, other than she “Does not want to go”, while I have to explain that different things are on sale every week and some of the food that we buy must be consumed within a week or it will go bad. Some of the food, because one of the sad things about our household is that the three of us rarely eat together. Most of my grocery shopping is for liquids and cleaning products. I also reminded her that she was terrible at shopping on her own and we constantly ran out of things without my contributions. A few times each week we would discover that we had run out of something because she had “Forgotten” to buy it. The bottled water? I would remind her day after day, and she passes the grocery store on her way home from work.

When I woke up, she continued to argue for her bi-weekly trips. It was not really an argument but something that she announced. She is the one driving the car and I can not stop her from being stupid, no matter how much rational explanation I can try and convince her with. She simply does not want to go. What will she be doing during that time? She will play with her phone while sitting on the couch instead of in her car. Her argument was not that she had some conflicting plans that night, which would have been acceptable. I am a reasonable man. She simply does not want to go.

The reasonableness of my being reasonable was pushed past the limit and I told her that the only people who have stupid arguments are stupid people and those of us like me who made the mistake of marrying someone stupid. She is stupid and selfish and in this case she is losing more than she is gaining. A stupid person turns a 30 minute grocery shopping trip into an argument that lasts all night and into the next morning because I work the night shift and sent her angry text messages every half an hour or so and then I was waiting for her at home when she woke up so that I could curse her out some more.

When you enter into an argument, you have to be ready for the person you are arguing with to take it to the extreme. Is her bi-weekly shopping plan important enough to her that I have to replace her? I will cancel our co-living arrangement. When threatened with that, she backed down.

The punch line? I did not really need to go shopping this week. The only thing that we need are extra large garbage bags and they are not even on sale. Everything else can wait.

Don’t tell her that. Or, maybe she should know?

I was fighting just because I was offended by her argument and the way she tried to institute a new rule for me to live by.

Infective Ignorace

My left cheek is swollen up like I am chewing tobacco because I have an infected tooth, which reminds me of a funny story.

I had an infected tooth on the right side of my face about twenty years ago. The tooth had been bothering me but I kept ignoring it, waiting for the nerve to die but before it died I woke up one morning with a swollen face. That swelling was on my lower right jaw and was far more disturbing looking than it is when it is the upper row of teeth and the cheek swells. People could not help themselves and they would stare at me, wondering what was wrong with me and praying that it was not contagious.

The dentist will not remove the rotten tooth until the infection is cleaned up by a dose of antibiotics. My dentist was surprised that the infection was still there after the first week.  The swelling had gone down considerably but there was still too much left to operate, so I had to take a second week of antibiotics. After the infection was still there after the second week the dentist and I discussed what could be wrong and it was only during this consultation that he informed me that I was supposed to abstain from alcohol while on antibiotics. Who knew? Twenty years ago I was drinking excessively on a daily basis. It never occurred to me to take a break.

Debt Riddance

I asked her about her credit card debt and how she was planning on paying it off considering how large the balance is on those cards. She is secretive about her finances but I know that she is spending too much. I guessed the balance was 150 thousand and she wanted to know how I knew, but it was a guess that I was hoping was too high. More upsetting than her ridiculous debt is her plan to pay it off. Our son can pay it using the money from her life insurance. She is enjoying herself now more than she can afford to and plans to die leaving the debt to our son.

Short Story

Ordering clothing online is a gamble. Not only might the clothing be ugly when it arrives, but it might not fit either. To protect myself from having to return what I bought, I ordered a test pair of shorts with the plan being that if I liked them then I would order another 10 pairs to get me through two weeks of work. After I ordered the shorts, I saw that the delivery date was going to be just over a month. Being impatient, I ordered a different pair of shorts from a different company.

Both pairs of shorts arrived the same week. I wore them and washed them the same week too. Now, because they look so much alike, I am not sure how to order more of the shorts that I like better. I guess I will have to repeat the process again with only one of the companies and see which shorts arrive this time.

A good plan that was poorly executed. This is the story of my life.

Him bare assed

He was having a painful bowel movement, from the sounds that he was making out of both his mouth and anus. There was moaning, groaning, explosions of gas and he was whimpering. I think I might have even heard him softly praying for it to end. Never in my life have I made so much noise passing my excrement, and this was nothing like anything I had ever heard from anyone else before. It was unusual enough that I wondered if I should call an ambulance.

This was in one of the bathrooms at my job. I was there to urinate. I wash my hands before I urinate, so he must have thought whoever had come in to the bathroom during his crapping had only washed their hands and left, and that he was exiting the bathroom stall to an empty room. He was surprised to find me still there, embarrassed that we both knew he had just been in such evacuating distress. Even more embarrassing for him is that he and I are romantic rivals. He has a crush on one of my “Work Wives”, and he is jealous every time that he sees us together. He is quite childish about it. As soon as we locked eyes, he knew that I was going to tell my work wife about the disgusting thing he had just done. It was just the same for him as if he had walked out to find her there.

Did I tell her? Of course I did, just as he expected that I would. He probably also was able to predict that I was going to write about it for the rest of the world to enjoy too.


The place where my wife works is merging with another place and they have been sending her on business trips from our home to Los Angeles. She just returned from her second trip and has been away from home for about 4 weeks in the last 2 months.

She has not been missed.

Amazingly, while she was aggravating to be around tonight we did not have an argument in the 30 minutes or so that we were in the same apartment. She had a few questions but nothing has happened since she left that she needs to know about or that requires her to make any decisions. Our son spoke to her even less.

Her trips have been a good way for our son to see what the future can be like if me and him are room mates. We get along just fine. He is a great kid and I am proud of him. My marriage might have been a disastrous failure but my wife and I have done a decent enough job of raising our son.

My wife did have a question that she urgently needed an answer to. Why does the Candy Crush game that she plays on her Iphone now keep requesting that she create a Facebook account to get the free daily rewards? When that is your biggest problem, life is good.


The damage is probably done

Me and my Ex wife were waiting for our dinner to be prepared at the 5 guys hamburger chain. I was thinking out loud that a bacon cheeseburger and fries did not include any vegetables, unless you count the mushrooms and onion toppings. My Ex laughed in my face. She watched me drink 2 gallons of whiskey, or 24 bottles of beer, every day for 20 years and now I am suddenly worrying about my diet. She is right and I laughed at myself.

Easy Money

Seniority is important at my job. The longer that you work there, you will get the better days off and the easiest jobs. I like this. It eliminates most of the back stabbing and ass kissing that happened at the hundred other jobs that I have had in my life.

My job is to run a mail sorting machine. Because we run the machine seven days a week but I only work five, the boss needs someone else on those other two days. This means that on most nights, there is an extra person. That person will run the machine when the operator takes lunch and another break during the night. When not running the machine, the extra person manually sorts the mail that the machine can not process.

Manually sorting the mail is one of the easiest jobs in the building and is done by the most senior workers. It is so easy that it is also done by those people who are too injured to perform their usual job.

In what to me is an amazing blessing, workers that are senior to me are choosing to run the machine instead of working in the manual section. I think they are crazy. The other night, I worked in the manual section for my full eight hours. If you saw me, you would think I was the crazy one because of the big smile on my face all night long as I am making easy money.

Bitter Pills

You may or may not know, depending on how well you know me, that I am a broken down wreck of a man after 50 years of reckless living. About 10 years ago I got my skull cracked open. Ever since then, I have to take a pill to battle vertigo. If I do not take that pill, I am crippled with dizziness.

My prescription for this pill has to be renewed every 30 days. Why? I have no clue. I have been taking it for 10 years. Why is it not one of those kinds of pills that automatically renew themselves? I have checked with my insurance but this pill is not on the list. It has no street value. It does not make a person feel happy, and it does not cure hangovers. It is MECLIZINE, for anyone who is curious.

The prescription is also only good for two refills, so every three months I have to get my pharmacist to call my doctor for permission to give me another refill. Every so often, when my doctor is greedy, he will tell the pharmacy that I need to come and pick up the prescription in person. Why does this happen? It is only so that the doctor can collect money for my office visit, because I do not even get an examination. This is how health care works in our life and times.

Last month, it was a refill that needed permission. I went to the pharmacy three times, spread out over three weeks, only to be told that they were waiting to hear from my doctor. They were waiting to hear back but not giving a damn if the doctor never called back. To no ones surprise, I ran out of the pills. After my third trip to the pharmacy they revealed that my doctor needed to see me. This visit to my doctor was not only for them to collect my office visit money, but also to fill out a form with all of my personal information that they already had on file because they were installing a new computer system.

I was angry with the world, but after I calmed down I am now only blaming my pharmacy. They should have told me the first time to see my doctor, I will keep my doctor but I am never using that pharmacy again. They lost a 20 year customer, but I doubt that they care or will even notice. This was RITE AID, by the way.

This afternoon I dropped my prescription off at a new pharmacy. When I went back later to pick it up, they told me that my insurance refused to renew it because I had a bottle of pills waiting for me at RITE AID. The pills were there the entire time. The idiots must have misplaced it, or something. They lied right into my face about waiting to hear from my doctor.

Birthday Wishes

She turned 51 yesterday. I refused to celebrate her birthday because of how insulted I was in 2012, when I turned 50 and she treated my birthday celebration as if it was diarrhea that she could not get rid of fast enough. Yes, I hold grudges.

We are barely even functioning as room mates, which can be expected when you continue to live with someone that you should have divorced the first time that they screamed into your face that they hate you. I forgave her for the first “Hate You” scream, but not the second. Telling it to my twice made me be believe that this was how she really felt. I warned her not to do it that second time, but she ignored me. Still, after that we have lived together for another 16 years. I want to raise our son together. My prison sentence comes to an end when my son graduates high school, less than two years from now.

I thought that I had ignored her birthday celebration yesterday, on her birthday, but when I woke up today my son told me that they were planning to have the dinner on this day, a day later. So, I had to ignore her twice. I was never invited, which made it easier to ignore. My son asked me if I even wanted to be there. He remembers what happened in 2012, and how I did not include his mother in my 2013 birthday celebration. The important thing that I wanted my son to know is that I did “WISH” that I had a wife that I could celebrate the birthday of. Celebrations are happy occasions and I like to be happy. It is unfortunate that my Ex has spoiled our birthdays with her selfishness.

I “WISH” many things were not the way that they were. I wish that my Ex was someone else.