Him bare assed

He was having a painful bowel movement, from the sounds that he was making out of both his mouth and anus. There was moaning, groaning, explosions of gas and he was whimpering. I think I might have even heard him softly praying for it to end. Never in my life have I made so much noise passing my excrement, and this was nothing like anything I had ever heard from anyone else before. It was unusual enough that I wondered if I should call an ambulance.

This was in one of the bathrooms at my job. I was there to urinate. I wash my hands before I urinate, so he must have thought whoever had come in to the bathroom during his crapping had only washed their hands and left, and that he was exiting the bathroom stall to an empty room. He was surprised to find me still there, embarrassed that we both knew he had just been in such evacuating distress. Even more embarrassing for him is that he and I are romantic rivals. He has a crush on one of my “Work Wives”, and he is jealous every time that he sees us together. He is quite childish about it. As soon as we locked eyes, he knew that I was going to tell my work wife about the disgusting thing he had just done. It was just the same for him as if he had walked out to find her there.

Did I tell her? Of course I did, just as he expected that I would. He probably also was able to predict that I was going to write about it for the rest of the world to enjoy too.

Homecoming

The place where my wife works is merging with another place and they have been sending her on business trips from our home to Los Angeles. She just returned from her second trip and has been away from home for about 4 weeks in the last 2 months.

She has not been missed.

Amazingly, while she was aggravating to be around tonight we did not have an argument in the 30 minutes or so that we were in the same apartment. She had a few questions but nothing has happened since she left that she needs to know about or that requires her to make any decisions. Our son spoke to her even less.

Her trips have been a good way for our son to see what the future can be like if me and him are room mates. We get along just fine. He is a great kid and I am proud of him. My marriage might have been a disastrous failure but my wife and I have done a decent enough job of raising our son.

My wife did have a question that she urgently needed an answer to. Why does the Candy Crush game that she plays on her Iphone now keep requesting that she create a Facebook account to get the free daily rewards? When that is your biggest problem, life is good.

 

The damage is probably done

Me and my Ex wife were waiting for our dinner to be prepared at the 5 guys hamburger chain. I was thinking out loud that a bacon cheeseburger and fries did not include any vegetables, unless you count the mushrooms and onion toppings. My Ex laughed in my face. She watched me drink 2 gallons of whiskey, or 24 bottles of beer, every day for 20 years and now I am suddenly worrying about my diet. She is right and I laughed at myself.